trials and temptations

[Hermione Weasley]

I met this guy apout a month ago and he is really sweet and I hav liked for as long as i have known him, but he was going out with my friend Tina. Well on saturday aug. 23 they broke up and tina was the one to do it. So me and jeff(the guy) hung out ALL night well from the time they broke up(7pm) to midnight and he kept saying that when we go out... to me.like he was saying all the things we are going to do when we go out. so I talked to tina about it on aol not thinking it would be a big deal letting her know what i was thinking about him b/c i didn't want to loose a friendship over it and she was not to happy to hear this she kept saying all he wants is s*x...and hten she asked me "is the only reason you want to go out with Jeff b/c he's the only guys that has thought about asking you out in about a year?...not to be mean"so apparently me trying to talk to her didn't work b/c now i am so mad and angry at her i can't even see straight. I guess I am more hurt than anything i mean yeah tina's a freshman who dresses and acts like a ho but I have helped her out when she was "lonly" and I helped her when guys dumped her and now she is acting like none of that matters b/c its me and I don't know what to do.

[HuffleDuck]

First your friend might still likes him or she didn't want you to have him. Second she Might be right about him just wanting s*x, but that doesn't stop you from liking him. Date him and find out about him yourself. Your friend might be selfish and she keeps reasoning with you about how bad he is, that 's just trying to stop you from dating him.

But there's something about what she says is kinda right. Even though i don't know much of what's really going on, but why would it takes him a year to ask you out after somebody broke up with him? But doesn't matter now since he likes you and you like him, you guys should go out. And tell your friend that you have been supportive to her when she's depressed or having problems. Tell her that if she's truly your friend then she needs to be supportive of your decision like you were to her. Also tell her that you don't want to destroy your friendship over a guy. You need to date him yourself to find out what kinda of person he really is, if he's a jerk dump him.

[han lin]

i agree.

your friend miught be trying to look out for you and just be REALLY bad at it . She might be one of those i don't want him but you can'y have him people.....

but in the end it is your decision , you have tried to talk to her about it and see how she feels. Maybe it is too soon for you to be going out with him after they have split up ( i understood from your post it was a mater of hours....but then Huffleduck said it was a year....so i don't know)

But yes if it is a mistake, its your mistake to make. You will soon find out if he's an ass hole and if he is you can give him the shove.

Try talking to your friend again it might help smooth things over, or clarify things

sorry this is a strange post
han
x

[Lizzy Bennet]

I am going to have to give some different advice on this one, not to say that Huffleduck or Han Lin are wrong...I've merely had a different experience!

Females are not worth crossing...it is BAD news to have much of anything to do with a guy who's recently dumped or been dumped by a friend...to me, that's just asking for trouble. Not to mention, what kind of guy does that anyway...sets female friends up to rip each other apart? Maybe that sounds melodramatic, but women can be VERY hard on their friends they feel have betrayed them in any way, and they'll resort to all kinds of smear tactics...think about it...when a husband cheats on his wife with another woman, the majority of the time, the wife's anger is directed at the other woman, NOT the husband...even if the other woman didn't know the husband was married (and of course the husband did!). Women are illogical like that. That's why I am VERY wary of guys who don't respect female friendships, because I think that says a lot of bad things about the guy...to me that says he doesn't mind cat-fighting over him...so he isn't going to be the voice of reason! Trust me...this girl once told me she had a crush on this guy, and I made the mistake of talking to him and being his friend and hanging out with him...after all, they weren't dating, going steady, engaged, or married...he didn't even know how she felt. But I broke the code--the friendship code. You don't do that. Trust me, I got backlashed on that one and you want to know what? The guy this friend had a crush on that I spent time with, he ENJOYED the breakdown of our friendship...it was all amusement for him, and he just kept fanning the flames. I'm sorry, but that taught me a lesson...I was never that naive/careless again, and I learned that any guy willing to mess with two girls' friendship is selfish, thoughtless, and has his own agenda.

I'm sorry if I sound cynical, but this guy sounds like bad news. Granted, she broke up with him, but still...in the end, it's your choice, but any guy WORTH having would NOT make you choose between having something with him and having a friend, because ultimately, you're going to have to choose...you can't just date him and see how it goes...because even if SHE broke up with him, breakups are rarely cut and dry...sure, maybe you don't want to be with someone anymore, but do you really want to see that same person hanging all over a friend of yours a few days after the fact? That may seem unfair, but honestly, what would you be but a rebound? You deserve better than that...and I hope YOU know that!

In the end, like I said, it's your call...these are just my feelings...advice and wisdom from a 25 year-old who doesn't know it all, but has had some time to get some valuable insight to human nature. I can say this...set the friend aside, set the boy aside...think about you for a minute and ask yourself...is this guy...a guy whom, if you spend time with him you know it will hurt your friend...worth losing respect? Because even if he is the aggressor in the sense that he seeks you out, as bad a rap as he might get, you'll get a far worse one...you'll be the backstabbing friend who couldn't wait for your friend to break up with him, who thinks solely of herself...is it worth that? For a guy who, most likely, is rebounding and maybe even sees this as a way of 'getting back' at his ex?

I'm sorry, some guys are thoughtless pigs, and maybe this one ISN'T, but seeing as time isn't running out tomorrow, why play with fire today? Why not wait this out a month, at least, and see where things are then? If this guy is even worth your time and really cares about you, then he'll respect you not wanting to hurt your friend, you not wanting to be a rebound, not wanting to acquire the label of being the backstabbing friend who only thinks of herself, and respect your wishes and feelings, period...in other words, he'll be willing to wait, because if he isn't, who does he really care about? Who is most important? Take it from someone who kissed a WHOLE lot of toads before finding a prince...a guy who doesn't respect you...your relationships with others, your needs, your feelings, and who you are as a person...ISN'T worth having, case closed. Don't fall for the 'it's no big deal', 'she broke up with me', blah, blah, blah...no matter what his excuses are, you're still the one who will have an upset friend and possibly a bad reputation (because hey, women can be brutal with each other, especially when mad!), and possibly burned by this rebounder manipulator. Even if he turns out not to be any of these things, think of what you would want YOUR friend (any good female friend to do!) if you were in your friend's shoes. But most of all, respect yourself.

And yes, yet another disgustingly long post from me...sorry people!!!


~ Lizzy

[Hermione Weasley]

thanks guys for your posts and your help well it seems that this case has gotten extremly out of hand apparently i am a bad person b/c i just happen to like jeff and now tina and rachel are backstabbing me when i haven't even talked to him in like i a week i didn't even go skating tonight b/c i didn't want to deal with all the drama.i have things i never told any1 b4 that they don't know about that me and jeff talked about and they are saying things completly opposite to it and baised on that they are saying that he doesn't like me based on this information and i am really mad at both of them b/c they can't tell me the truth and i am just sick of it.
its kind of stragne but thats pretty much all thats happening i don't feel like going over the details b/c it makes me so mad to think about it.

[Violet]

In my opinion these situations rarely turn out well. i mean it seems that your friends have already decided to turn against you, even though you havent done anything wrong.
Your friend probably doesnt see that if u did get with this guy it wouldn't be to upset her, but it's simply because u like him. However, if you've just broken up with a guy you dont tend to look at things rationally.
If i was you i'd have another chat to your friend and see if she's decided to be more reasonable, and if she has then take it from there. but if not then just get with the guy, you havent got much to lose. If your friend really cant be supportive over the situation then she doesn't deserve your friendship.
And as for whether he's just after s*x or what then that's something you'll just have to find out for yourself. i never listen to rumours about people, it's usually not the whole truth.
Hope it all works out for you, all the best
Violet

[Hermione Weasley]

so jeff asked me out!!and rachel is jealous about it and i really don't care anymore i mean its stupid for her to be jealous b/c this guy at our school is going to ask her out here soon.but yep me and jeff are going out and it going good.he kissed me four time last night and it was nice.well i have to get going thanks for all your guys advice it really means alot to me.

[highsorcerer]

I have to say this... several years ago a beautiful blonde woman I respected and admired kind of threw herself at me. She told me she loved me. I had to reject her, because she was married with two children by that man. No matter how much she loved me , or I was attracted to her (and loved her), I chose not to be responsible for a divorce, and the separation of children from their father.

There are lines I will not cross, and marriage is one of them. If Valerie had been divorced or single, I might have married her. But I won't cross the marriage barrier.