The total confusion!

[Won Wheezy]

Alrighty! Man, I am so confused about my feelings right now. So I'll just ask what you guys think about this, although I'm feeling a little stupid

I have a boyfriend, and we've been going out for 2 1/2 years now. We have lived together for over a year now as well. Now, I'm not saying I don't love him anymore, but I'm so unhappy right now, and have been for a while. He is one of the most intelligent people I've met so far, and he is real fun to be with. But I'm a very emotional and romantic person, and he is not at all. The other thing is, we don't do anything together. We don't go out, don't do sports or to cinema, nothing really. Well, hardly ever anyway.
When I get home he sits in front of the pc all evening, and when I go to bed he still does. Well, we eat together and watch a bit TV, but that's it, really. He usually comes to bed about 3 or 4 am, and I gotta get up at 6:30. Not to mention that we don't have s*x anymore (well, like once or twice a month! Damn!)

And now the REAL problem:
I met this guy in a chatroom, and we have talked loads and loads. I feel like there's a connection between us, like we type the same things at the same time, and we have the same kind of humor and stuff. Um, also, he told me he's in love with me. (he knows about my bf!)It just feels like we're soulmates, and I don't wanna lose him.
And I think I feel something for him too, only I'm not sure if it's just because he gives me what I need right now or if I really am in love.

Arrrgh! This makes me crazy, not knowing what I feel. I really can't tell at all. And of course, I still love my bf, in spite of all our problems.
Now, apart from the distance of that other guy (he is Irish), it's also that I'm at a point in my life where I'd need a break. I've been in and out of relationships since I was 17, and I'm starting to think I just need to be alone for a while. And in September I'll finish my course and start work (I even got a job already!) and I was planning to get my own flat.

So, I don't wanna get out of one relationship into the next. And especially to someone so far away. I mean, I could imagine living in a foreign country (as I have done before), but not in the next few years. So, this probably wouldn't work anyway, cause he's 38 and not gonna wait for ages. I am hopeless.
I feel so stupid, but I can't help it.

Has anybody ever been in a similar situation or had feelings like that? Please help, I'm totally gutted right now.

Wow, this must be the longest post I've ever written.

[Violet]

Well, as for this internet guy i dont know him, or how well you know him, but as you have never met him, and you are having problems with you b/f he will seem like a breath of fresh air. I'm not saying that you dont feel something for each other, but you would have to be split up from your current b/f and spend some time with the irish guy to work out what you do feel.
And you have to ask yourself if you want to throw away your current relationship on the possibility of a relationship with a guy you've never met.
As for your b/f, i was with my ex for two years and i know that when we were 8 months into i got very restless because we were so comfortable that we didnt really make any effort with each other anymore. So we took a break for a couple of weeks and it makes you appreciate what you're missing.
Sorry i couldnt be more help, hope it all works out for you
*hugs*
Violet

[Won Wheezy]

No, no thanks a lot. And I know you`re absolutely right, and I feel like some silly little girl having feelings for someone I haven`t met.
On the other hand, I don`t think my bf is gonna change anything. I talked to him loads of times, and I even told him that I will break up if he continues like that. And he always agrees and says he loves me and stuff - but NOTHING changes! It`s just p****** me off.

But thanks, Violet. You`re great! *hugs Violet

[Violet]

well then maybe instead of threatening to leave him, then actually do. it sounds like you really arent happy at all, and just tell him that you really do need a break and that if things havent changed when u get back then its over.
And it's not stupid having feelings for someone you met online at all!

[Won Wheezy]

Ok, so now it's getting worse - teehee! I actually talked to David (the Irish guy) on the phone, and secretly hoped that it would be strange and uncomfortable. But.....it was amazing, like we got on so well! He has the loveliest voice and he is so charming.....oh my god, what am I gonna do!
I'm all ! I feel so gaga.

And, what you said about my boyfriend is true, I am unhappy. The problem is, we live together, and both of us can't afford our own flat and can't move back home. I'm a few months away from my final exams, so I need my own place now. If I'd move back home I wouldn't have the peace for studying at all. So, I have to live like this for another 5 months, then I will work in another town and move out anyway. And he'll move in with a friend. So , you see, it's a bit awkward right now.
But I might just ask him to live like in a flatshare for this time, but I'm not sure if it would work. I'll have to think about this.

[Violet]

awww won that really sux!
wish i could help, u should come live with me till the end of you finals
Well i think that you definately tell your b/f how you feel about him (but dont mention david!!) then suggest the whole flat sharing thing... i take it there are 2 bedrooms? if thats the case then try that. ath the end of the day no matter what he may feel you have yourself to worry about, concentrate on your finals and making you happy!

[jarvan49]

Hiya Won,

sorry to hear about your problem.

I'm a guy and I like it when people are honest with me and I like to be honest with other people. I like to be able to tell someone if I have a problem. So my advice is to sit down with your bf and work it out. Be careful though because there are some people that dont like to listen when there is a problem. They like to think that it'll work itself out but why be unhappy? you only live once and you gotta make sure that you are living happy. my advice: you gotta talk to your bf and who knows you and him might become good friends, just not bf and gf.

[TDM]

hmm...not really knowing your age, Won, maybe htat 38-year old irish guy is just what Violet said, 'a breath of freah air'. perhaps you do need some time just to yourself. i really can't say, as i haven't really been in the position before, seeing as how i am a guy, and i never hope to be in that position. therefore, not really knowing how it's played out before, i really couldn't tell you what to do. it's just going to be a judgement call.

[Krum]

Now, I'll have to be your link to reality.Go and speak to him:
-Hey, do you love me or not?I'm really p*****, do you keep me like I'm your property or something?Why don't we go out any more?

or something like that.True love is not a dream, it's a goal.Or so I think.If you love each other, do something about it.It's obvious the old spark is gone.Tell him to go and have s*x with himself(a figure of speach).We live in a(deleted) up world.Damn!

P.S.:Yes, I know I'm a jerk

[Won Wheezy]

Weeeeell, you are a bit, Krum, but thanks anyway.
And thank you Dragon Master and Violet.
I'm 26 by the way. And Violet, I'd love to move in with you, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
Um, I will talk to my bf, because I think that we're just too different to have a lasting relationship. And I haven't only been thinking like this since I met (haha, met ) David. I thought it for a long time and now I'm sure about it. Even before I met David I was thinking that we'll probably split up anyway when I'd move out, so it's not like I'm doing it because of David - only a bit earlier than I planned.

We don't have 2 bedrooms, but I've already been sleeping on the sofa a lot, cause he snores really bad. But I don't know how he'll take it at all. I don't want to lie to him though, I mean I'm not gonna tell him about David, but I will talk to him about us. Oh, dear I hate to do things like that, but it has to happen. I have been thinking for a while, that, if we hadn't lived together, I'd have broken up months ago. So, wish me luck.

Thanks for listening and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about this.

[Violet]

Hope it all works out for the best, dont worry about it and dont let it get you down. at the end of the day all your b/f can ask of you is honesty. And so long as you give him that he cant be too upset with you
take care *hugs*

[Krum]

"It's not important if two people look at each other's eyes.It's important if they look in the same direction."

[natasha]

hey babes u know what i think anyways - just do it for you, theres no piont in being unhappy!!!

huggles!!!!!

[Won Wheezy]

OKIES, guys! Big news!
I've actually split up with my bf and realised it was the best decision ever. I was really upset because he just showed no emotional reaction at all. I mean, I didn't expect him to cry his eyes out but he was cold as a fish! Honestly, that was such a shock. But now I know it was the right thing to do, so I'm all happy now. Also he agreed to stay in the flat for the next few months, and I think it's gonna work ok.
And best of all: I'm going to England for my Easter holidays to meet David - yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
We've been talking on the phone for hours and hours and I am really convinced that this is gonna be sth special. So, thanks for all your advice, it helped me loads.
HUGGLES TO ALL OF YOU GUYS! You are the best people! I love u all.