Making Friends

[han lin]

Ahhh no Physics
no!
my physics teacher has a wandering eye and not that i'm against that. its just that it adds a whole different spin when you don't know who he is talking to .
oh the joys of physics
( that was laced with a DANGEROUS amount of sarcasm)

but about the friends wthings. there is a world of people out there who really want to know you. be yourself and strike up a good vibe.
if they are right for you then friendship will blossem and if it doesn't then they were obvieously not good enough for you.

[Blaise Zabini]

Methinks I'm an overwhelming minority as being one who enjoys physics! I don't know, I just think it's a really fascinatin subject. But don't worry, I have neither a wandering eye nor a predator grin!

[jaco]

ha h haa, i was always ok at physics. but now uerm it got a bit complex for me. if you like it go for it!

[Mint]

I can't believe I hear that from a Slytherin.

hehe - YOU should be in Slytherin Neo

Physics?? Someone makes friends though Physics? Physics is the way to scare people. If you want someone to stop bothering you - just say "Physics" - and they will walk away

Back to the topic. Yes it has to be a small smile, not a huge grin. And don't stare at people for long when you smile - even if you really want to talk to them. Thats very scary. If a guy does it to me - I won't ever talk to him (hey it happened like couple of times). Just glance, throw a little smile, and continue walking.

[han lin]

That is for sure.
Small smiles and things. and when the person smiles back, the next time you see them maybie say hi. if you are at a bus stop or somewhere and everyone is cold say something liek "why are the busses never on time?" it might be the start of a menial conversation but also the start of a beautiful friendship.

[Mint]

Sorry, off topic,
han lin! I neve noticed that you are a Doctor at St Mungo's. Thats so cool, we have a doctor!!!

[han lin]

it is pretty cool. I'm the moderator here so paulio ( and me a little...) thought it'd be quite fun if i was "the doctor"
han

but on with the friends thing.
"quiet people are mostly the most interestiong ones, they don't spend all day talking so they have more left to say"

kinda

[Neo]

Also quiet poeple usually hear more, so it is conveninet to have al least one friend of those (so some can hear you)

[Blaise Zabini]

Yeah, good point about just listening. It really is amazing how much you can learn about someone by letting them do the talking! And there are lots of interesting people out there to learn from.

[Neo]

Yeah, but people tend to wnat to talk, and hear less.

[Scellanis]

*giggles*

being a quiet person was so fun at school...i just stand in the corner and listen to all the gossip cos nobody cared whether i heard it since i never talked to anyone....

lol

[han lin]

being quiet is quite often a good thing, i agree, people don't mind talking infront of you, a lot it isn't that they don't mind talking infront of you, but that they trust you, because of your personality.

[Neo]

Yeah, I like that.

[Lizzy Bennet]

"You'll have more people interested in you by getting interested in other people in two months, than in two years trying to get people interested in you." ~ rough approximation of a quote by author unknown


Truer words were never spoken. I think a lot of people mistake being interesting as always having something to say. Whether we like it or not, it's a general rule that people generally enjoy talking about themselves more than anything else. One of those lovely quirks of being a human being!

While I agree with a great deal of the advice here about getting involved in the world, be it through clubs, reading the newspaper, and getting active and developing opinions, that's not all there is to it. Boring people, to me, are those who seemingly have no life or purpose. They are also the same folks who seem to know nothing about life, the world, or other people--they only know about themselves. And well, that only keeps other people interested for so long...no matter who you are!

Trust me, I used to be friends with someone who not only talked about himself all the time (and only seemed to care about himself, his own opinions, and his own problems), but didn't have that interesting a life to boot because he never *did* anything (other than work, sleep, and be online) and he never solved *any* the problems in his own life--he just whined about them all the time. *That* was a REAL drag, and it doesn't sound like you have the self-absorbed problem which is a REAL barrier to making (and keeping) friends!

So I guess my advice is different . . . by all means, take steps to get more involved in life, in discovering your passions, and in meeting new people. But once you've done that (and that, really, should be for yourself--not proving to ANYONE how *interesting* you are!), I find the real trick to having friends, offline and online, is to be a good one yourself. Get interested in other people. Ask questions. Be a good listener. SMILE! You'd be amazed how far this goes with people and makes them AND keeps them FAR more interested in you than any 'act' a person can put on for their benefit. As I said before, whether we like it or not, people like to talk about themselves. By no means, am I suggesting you share nothing about yourself nor decline the spotlight, all I'm saying is that you are *far* more interesting and worth investing time in for other people if you show yourself to be someone who has interests and fun, but also takes pleasure in learning about what other people's passions are and what makes them tick.

If you feel you are a quiet person, there's no reason to become loud and zany in order to simply be 'interesting', but also no reason to be afraid of people. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." A simple hello is not too hard and when in doubt, ask questions--you'd be surprised how quickly someone will open up if they feel your questions are genuine and you are willing to listen. Someone who doesn't allow you to be who you are isn't really someone worth having as a friend. Play to your strengths...becoming more well-rounded should be something you want to do for yourself, not to please anyone else or make any sort of point. My Mama always said that you have two ears and one mouth for a reason, and as long as you're talking, you're learning nothing new about anything or anyone, so when in doubt, engage people by asking questions, listening, and smiling...if they're any kind of person to talk to, they'll return the favor.

All my humble opinion, of course, but I wish you all the best of luck. You are certainly on the right track with getting out there, finding things that interest you, and finding people who share similar interests, which always helps. Best of all, you've gotten some great advice here from all these other posters. Have fun making new friends!

[Neo]

Great post Liz, yu are totally right, you can be very open and talk a lot, but if you are not interested in anything you won't get too far.