Amour

[Blaise Zabini]

::Conjures velvety chair, Sherlock holmes-esque pipe, and bottle of Cognac::

Ahem. Maybe the love life issue has been done to death, but I've been thinking and thinking and thinking and have no idea how to solve this issue. So I thought I'd consult the understanding people of St. Mungo's.

Anyway, there's this guy. And he's a really, really great guy. The type that every parent wants their daughter wants to end up with and that every girl secretly likes. He's kind, compassionate, reasonable, gentelman-ly, funny, and absolutely brilliant (as in MIT-caliber brilliant.) Anyway, he's perfect. I've known him since we were little and we've been friends since then. Nothing has ever really 'happened' between us, as I've never really thought of him that way. But the more I look at him, the more I realise how perfect we'd be. I know it could and would work. And that if it did, we'd be wonderful. When he looks at me, it's as if I'm the only thing in all the world that matters to him. And I love that.

However, there's this other guy. He's not as perfect. Not by any stretch. But I just can't stop thinking about him. I know that I shouldn't like him, but I do. And I can't not. His intentions are there, and he's such a nice guy, but he's the type who would take any girl, just because she's a girl. I know I'm a more sensible person than this, and I know what I should be doing, but I can't. I think that what I like the most is that whenever I'm with him, I know that I shouldn't be and it's a bit of a thrill. It's such a shallow reason for liking someone, and I'm far from being a shallow person. It's just that he makes me feel like a different person. But then when he's gone, I feel like I've lowered myself and that I'm a superficial little girl.

I know that Person 1 is who I should be with. I know that I need to stop liking Person 2 before I do something incredibly stupid. But I don't know how.

[Neo]

It seems you got a big problem here.

Liking someone is so difficult to understand, most times it is over our comprehension, because likes and love do not obey to strict rules.
However, the only way for you to forget boy 2, is to stop seeing him, calling him, or chatting with him for a long time. (Well that's my advice)

[Blaise Zabini]

likes and love do not obey to strict rules.

That's a v. good line. It's incredibly truthful. It's so hard to control who you do and do not love or like. The mind and the heart are two completely different things and it's so difficult to know to which one you should be listening.

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. To distance myself from him. It hurts a lot, but I think it's really the only way.

And thanks so much, Neo!

[Neo]

Anytime Zab

And yes, at first it will hurt, but when you are over it, you will be happy to have taken the right decision.

[Lizzy Bennet]

BACKWARD, turn backward, O Time, in your flight,
Make me a child again just for to-night! ~ Elizabeth Allen

A favorite quote of mine, and one that springs to mind when I wish, more than anything, I could just be a child again and follow my heart with blissful ignorance.

Sadly, one of the toughest things about being an adult is that you can and do see problems with people and situations you encounter, so it's nearly impossible (though some foolish pull it off ) to ignore what you 'should' do. That doesn't make it at all easy to do the 'right' thing!

Dumbledore, to pull in an HP reference, even said himself that there comes a time between choosing what is 'right' and what is 'easy'. As you assured me on my thread about 'fair-weather friends', Blaise, that sometimes the *best* thing you can do for yourself is simply let go of that which will or is causing you pain or suffering. I would *never* say that's easy! As evidenced by what I wrote, I don't feel that it is, but is that kind of person (or person B who you are dealing with) *worth* your not being happy or losing out, potentially, on person A? I think you would agree person B is *not* worth those costs.

So, as Neo said and I agree with, I think your best option is to back away. No matter what 'good' feelings you might have (and those *always* make it hard to back away from ANYONE!), you clearly see that the possible 'fallout' and 'bad feelings', not to mention what you'd miss out on, is far greater. I know, for me, sometimes it's easier and feels better (in the short-term) to get that 'quick fix' of that person who seemingly, at the time, makes you feel good . . . but as you pointed out, if, after that encounter, you are left feeling empty or bad, that tells you all you need to know . . . take it from someone who, up until recently, rode the 'emotional rollercoaster' . . . it *isn't* worth it!

Now, this person A *may* be the ideal person . . . I don't think anyone can know yet. But you breaking away from person B really isn't even about person A . . . it's about, as you said in your post to me, putting yourself and respecting yourself first and doing what is most healthy for you. You've truly inspired me and helped me to feel better . . . I only hope I've done the same for you. And don't beat yourself up about the 'love' thing . . . people twice and three times your age battle the 'love' issue . . . it never really goes away or makes a lot more sense . . . you just learn little lessons along the way. I hope it all works out for you!

[Mint]

Alrighty Blaise,

The guy #2 - from what u have said so far - you don't love him, u just want the thrill. - totally understandable.

In fact, I was in your situation no too long ago exactly like that. And I went with guy #1 and I don't ever regret it. After the initial craziness, you want the person who cares about you the most to be there. The guy that you know will help you through any difficult time you may have.

[Broken Machine]

I hate to be a bum p in the road but it seems to me that you are in more trouble then you could possibly know. Now if guy one and you have been friends for so long the real danger would be getting involved and then having something go wrong thus ending your friendship both romantically and platonically. In the meantime your interest for boy 2 will be gone because lets face it, a guy will not stick around for you if he see's you are taken, unless he's that type of guy that would anyway which in my opinion is no good. Best to stay friends with guy 1 unless you know for a fact that it will work. There is nothing worse then to lose a sincerely great friend. Just, if you do go for guy2 and you find yourself trying to change him into guy 1, stop.

[Neo]

But Zab will never be 100% sure that boy A will the right one, if thinks is worth the risk of the friendship (from what she writes I think yes) she must take the risk.

[Lizzy Bennet]

Blaise, in the end, you will make the best decision for you . . . I'm sure of that . . . you seem to be thinking about things, not just with your heart, but your head as well.

If I could give but one piece of advice (and remember, that and pocket change can buy you a phone call ), it would be *trust* your instincts. I can't tell you how many times I ignored a vibe I felt or a thought that said something wasn't quite right or good. Generally, I've found, when you ignore those subtle feelings is when you later think back on them realizing you had a reason for feeling that way, even if you didn't fully understand it at the time.

Just remember, as you so kindly reminded me (which I appreciated!) on my thread, in the end, you have to do what's best for you, whether it seems mean or not. The people who are really worth ridding yourself of are the ones who make you feel guilty for caring about your own well-being. Sometimes, as I've certainly seen lately, a person seems good and even makes you feel good, but if you're left not feeling good about the encounter in the end and overall and consistently, there's something to that . . . good friends (etc.) are people who generally make you feel good about yourself and that you respect. It doesn't matter if you can't exactly pinpoint exactly what makes you feel bad or why someone isn't worth having in your life, you have a reason for feeling as you do and the vibes that are telling you that it doesn't feel right. Listen to them.

Guy A may not be the 'match' for you, but as I've pointed out before, it really isn't about Guy A . . . yet. Your decision about Guy B shouldn't have anything to do with Guy A . . . it should have to do with you and how he makes you feel . . . full stop. Again, my opinion. I have a lovely boyfriend who is so good to his friends, family, and respectful of other women besides me. Though, I'm learning to have higher standards because of him, ultimately, if I eliminate someone from my circle, it's because of what I feel I deserve, not a comparison to my boyfriend. I hope this helps . . . thanks for always making me smile and for all the things you've said to me! *hug*

[Neo]

I have the impression that you, Liz, know Zab from out of the forum right?

[Lizzy Bennet]

Actually, I don't, Neo. She just seems like a really nice person and I appreciated her words of advice to me! She also seems to like my threads and told me so once . . . can't help but want to be friendly to someone who was genuinely kind to me.

[Neo]

Okay, I can't blame you for that, can I?

[Blaise Zabini]

Thanks so much for all the input guys!

Erm, The problem has been solved a bit due to Person B's deciding that he wanted to hook up with my best friend. Which was...um, interesting? I guess it just further let me know that he wasn't worth it and that there are much better people out there. People who do care about you and don't just pretend that they have feelings for you and then get with your best friend. Well, I give them my blessing and just hope that she realises the type of guy he truely is before he does to her what he did to me.

[Lizzy Bennet]

Okay, I can't blame you for that, can I?

Indeed not, Neo!

Blaise, I'm sorry to hear that. Not because I think he was a 'catch', I don't! But that he, sadly, turned out just as you expected and that he treated you badly, and it involves your best friend. But I think you should give yourself due credit for being thoughtful, wise, and practical about him and avoiding pain yourself! Seriously, a lot of people (young AND old) can be so impulsive and/or irrational about how they handle situations, and you aren't and didn't. I hope he does not hurt your friend, and I'm glad you are able to say you deserve better, because you do!


~ Lizzy

[Blaise Zabini]

Aw, thanks! And I do hope that she doesn't get hurt. If she's anything like the person I've known her to be for all these years, then she's smart enough to know that he isn't worth it. But, as Neo said earlier, when you love or like someone, you don't really listen to anything else.