Back to the Future...a.k.a. Not Living in the Past

[Lizzy Bennet]

I was wondering...does anyone else, besides me, ever unwillingly take 'a walk down memory lane'? Don't get me wrong...there are many memories I am so blessed to have--of people who are no longer on this Earth or friends that are simply far away whom I used to see everyday. However, every once and a while, I find my mind turning backwards though I really don't want it to, and I can't help but remember, "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." (from "Rent")

That last statement really is true...if you're constantly looking in the past...dwelling on and remembering those people and/or experiences that hurt you, what kind of life is that? Sometimes, I find myself getting angry...at the people who hurt me, or myself for getting into that situation, or even just the fact that my mind went there and brought it all back up. The mature adult in me says these people and experiences--the painful ones--served their purpose: they taught me about life, myself, and human nature...losing your childhood innocence of believing that all people will do 'the right thing' and 'mean what they say' and 'follow through on their word' is never easy, but then, I suppose it takes all sorts of people to make up the world...

I was just wondering if any of you had these 'historical flashbacks' that were totally unwanted by you. I flashed back to some ex-boyfriends who really disrespected me and how hurt I was then and how angry it made me later, and of "friends" who really weren't friends at all...but users, abusers, and people who simply "stole" my time...in other words, emotional leeches. Don't mistake me--I don't dwell on these people or experiences (thank God!!) on a regular basis, and although I suppose it's good for me to remember back once and a while to see how far I've come, sometimes I get so caught up in looking back and berating myself or being mad that I forget where I am now, WHO I am now. Does anyone know how this feels? And better still, what do you do about it?

And am I horrible person when I say that a part of me gloats at the fact that some of these nasties--ex-boyfriends, "friends" who were never really good friends at all, nasty trolls on the Internet, and people who were generally not worth my time knowing (whom I was far too nice to!!)--well, most of these nasties, haven't evolved at ALL since I knew them? In some cases, it's only been a few months...in others, it's YEARS. I know that sounds bad, because I really do hope for the best with people and wish for them to grow and mature, but it also reaffirms what I learned about them...that some people are just lazy, trashy slime, and they haven't changed. But I have. And though I'm not vindictive, I am proud...proud that I didn't let chumps like THAT get me down or stop me from pursuing dreams and happiness! Does that make me a bad person? But the 1,000,000 question is how do you have pride in yourself without obsessing about how others turned out or why they treated you badly? How can I de-personalize their behaviour?


~ Lizzy

[Hermione Weasley]

Lizzy all I want to say is THANK YOU!!with your topic you have helped me alot!with questions I have been struggling with myself, but i think its normal. You helped me figure out what to do with my ex that I had an extremly horrible break-up b/c I moved,but thank you agian and I don't think we will ever know the answers to most of those questions tho.
-hermione weasley

[highsorcerer]

Lizzy,

I consider betrayal a high crime. I've suffered from it.

And, no, you are not a horrible person for your feelings. They are what makes us human.

Hugs

[gecko]

What I basically wanted to comment on this, is that (I think) everybody thinks about the things that didn't go as you wanted them to go now and then. Nobody has a perfect life. Who doesn't think about how things might have taken a different turn if only you had done that or had done this.
But as you said, you learn from those things. From your own mistakes, but no less from others' mistakes. What I hope to aquire in life, besides some other things, is a certain knowledge about the way things in generally can be handled in the best way and that can only be learned by knowing the consequences of mistakes and therefore by making mistakes (not that it's something you need to do your best for, mistakes'll always just slip in!).

Gloating those certain people that were not so nice, it does not make you a horrible person. But what I find sad about it (the fact that they haven't changed) is the possibility that they'll do the same stupid things to others, as they have done to you. Otherwise I agree, you should be proud that you kept and keap your head high!

You know, sometimes I come across or hear about certain people, and then I can't help but feel myself so much better than them. It's not like I want to feel myself of a higher class or smth like that, but sometimes the way in which some people act, it really makes me wonder what they are here for, what their benefit for society and for the world is. Does that make me a bad person? I wish with all my heart that nobody was able to make those feelings rise in me, but alas, it's not so. I guess all I can do, is make sure I don't follow their example, and for that matter, taking a trip on memory lane comes in quite nice, because it allows you to 'see' what their example was, and what the consequences were...

(I hope it all makes sense.)

[han lin]

i know about bad memorys and how they can creep up on you its right not to dwell on them but its is also good , though often painful to remember them .

Remember the mistakes and the choices and see how they led you to where you are. remember the kind of people who are ass holes and the kind that arent and how to tell the difference.

it doesn't make you a bad person to be slightly pleased that you have moved on when some people stayed still. they are in a rut and you aren't it is something you can be pleased about.

bad things and people are always out there and we will all have to come in contact with them. to forget them is bad to dwell on them is also bad but to take them into check and count them as life experience is good.

[HuffleDuck]

I always thinking about the past every night, both good and bad memories. Yeah, i agreed with gecko... Most of it, are things that doesn't go your way.

I consider betrayal a high crime.

it's always is and will always be. even though i never suffered from it, but i know how it feels to be betrayed... Betrayal is the worse thing ever, and it's part of human nature and the cruelest thing ever. Betrayal is what makes the world a suffering place.(at least i think it is)