Petty Disappointment and Conflict

[Meg Boyd]

I know...this is a really stupid worry...but it is gnawing on me...and yeah I know there are people out there with so many more problems than I , but I tried to talk to my friends about this and their answers just don't seem right!

Ok, here is the scoop...

Firstly I am in a musical production of Damn Yankees. The director is a really really strict lady, nice at times, but strict. Somes she can get a bit b*tchy, but I know it is for our own good, almost like tough love, you know? But any way, she scheduled a All Cast Dance rehearsal for September the 20th from 9 am-2pm...

Second of all, my friends are in a punk band who are performing at a really cool club in Milwaukee...this is a once in a high school life time opportunity to see my friends play there...but it is on September the 20th at 12 pm in the afternoon....

So, bascially I really want to go to see my friends compete in this Battle of the Bands contest in Milwaukee, but I know my duties lie in going to the All Cast dance rehearsal...

My good friend is the drummer of the band, he got a bit vexed at me for "not wanting to go" see them play in Milwaukee...but the thing is, I do want to go, but I am afraid that the director will cut me out of the musical if I skip the rehearsal...or worse keep me in the play, but make my life miserable for the remainder of the year (she holds grudges like no other)...my friends tell me to lie and tell the director that my grandma died or some bs like that, but I really feel that lying will only make the situation worse if she should ever find out where I really went, you know???

The worst of the situation is that the scheuled date says "All Cast Dance rehearsal" when really my character has no dances at all, so I would probably just sitting there for the whole time, unless they made some dance up that isn't in the script...so I would be sitting in the auditorium doing nothing while I could be in Milwaukee jamming along to awesome music! Arrgghhh....

One kid in the musical with me says I should just ask the director for a reprieve for the rehearsal, because I do admit , I am one of the directors "favorites", yet I am really scared of what she'll say. I mean the things she said to my friend AJ, when he went out for the football team and the musical were horrible (she claimed that in his action for not making the musical his number 1 priority would make the whole cast hate him; which did not happen)...I mean that was doing two school related activities...what would she say to me, wanting to skip a school related activity for a rock concert...I feel so horrible for letting down my friends because I won't be there to cheer them on, yet I feel not right about skipping out on rehearsal...

What is a kiddo to do??????

Yeah, I know that wasn't a huge problem, but it was still bothering me...when my two cliques of friends are either going to the concert or in the musical so they either say "You'd better choose to see us in concert" or "You'd better choose to go to rehearsal" respectivly, and I would really value an out sider's opinion...

[gecko]

Meg, as you said, you aren't needed for the rehearsal. Sure, it's nice to be there, but they can't expect you (in my opinion) to lay everything else aside for this musical. It's not like you've got nothing else to do.
Basically, what I would do, is go to this rock concert, and I'd say that I plan on going there, and explain why it is important. I mean, if she really wants you for this play, she won't cut you out. And if she makes your life miserable just because you don't spend all your time on this musical, then she's a real pitiful woman..

So yeah, I think you can explain to your friends from the musical that this concert is a unique experience, and that you will have loads of other rehearsal with them (you will, won't you?)

good luck with making the right choice!

[han lin]

i have no geographical knowledge watsoever. so i have no idea how far away this gig is from your rehersal.

if it isn't that far, you cound just go to the rehersal for a couple of hours, that way you'd catch anything REALLY important that you need to and you'd still be able to catch the gig.

talk to the director about it yeah she'll probbably say something narky to you at first but at least you will ave been honest. If you have no real need to be at the rehersal, because you don't need to dance, explain that to her as well.

urrrmm
hope it all goes well
han
x

[choki]

Ya u should be honest with ur director, just explain things clearly and slowly to her...(nv show her ur temper at least for now)
But if she is really unreasonable and lose her temper on u, u will have to decide to walk out on her and leave her musical (i hope it doesnt get that bad)

It is a definitely one big dilemma: Friends or Self-interest
But if i were u, i choose friends

[Meg Boyd]

Thanks for the ideas guys...I'm over the intial disappointment, and I think I will just suck it up and go to my rehearsal...I'll get over it...

[AccioNiffler]

Meg, I know how it feels to be obligated to two things at once, and it raelly sucks But I dont think you need to dispair over things. As long as you show up for the first part of rehersal you could probably tell her that you "have a previous engagement that is of most importance" (or something a little less smart-assey, lol) If you're one of the favorites, maybe she'll look at it like at least you had the decency to show up rather than skip it completely, so then maybe she'll say its okay. Sorry if this is no help, but I hope that things work out for you

[Just Mom]

Hi Meg
"Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets and little Meg, little Lola wants you!" (Meg knows this is from Damn Yankees in case the rest of you don't.)

You've probably already made your decision, but explore the options. It is perfectly, 100% okay, to talk with your director. I'm older, but I'm finishing my Master's degree, and there times when I need to miss class, or an exam because say, my 5 year old has a field-trip to the local pumpkin patch. The pumpkin patch vs. an exam, might seem like an obvious choice, the exam. But I believe people come first, and I know that there will be other exams, but there won't be other days to go with my son, with his class, when he's five, to the pumpkin patch and have a hayride. You care very much for your friend, and you will have other opportunities perhaps to hear him perform, but on the other hand, you never know. People come first. There are no dress rehearsals for life.

If you talk with your director, the worst that you will hear, is "no." The best you'll hear is, "Sure...you can miss this rehearsal." Or maybe even something in between. And even if your director will not let you off the hook for the day, you can with integrity, look your friend in the eyes and say, " I did my very best to rearrange my commitments so that I can support you. I was not successful, but I tried. I care about you. I will be thinking of you on that special day and want hear all about it when you get back."

You are going to find yourself in these situations alot, especially when you have family in the future. You will do yourself a great service, if you make it a part of your personal ethics now, to always put people and relationships above yourself in terms of work and hobbies. And you can do that while you meet your other obligations with absolute dependability. Planning ahead helps as well.

I have not had a professor yet, who wouldn't work with me -when he or she knew about it in advance- to miss a class, even a test, to honor my relationship with my children or husband, or even someone else.

But you will never know if you don't try! So don't just "suck it up and get over it" (or whatever it was you said) be bold, be brave, take risks oh Meg maker of random witty statements! Present yourself to your director and lay out your case. You have time to make this happen. Who knows, you may find yourself in Milwaukee having a great time instead of sulking backstage.

[Meg Boyd]

Hi Meg
"Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets and little Meg, little Lola wants you!" (Meg knows this is from Damn Yankees in case the rest of you don't.)

He he he, are you familar with the show??? Not many people know of the show (well, neither did I, 4 months ago) but loads of kids know the "Lola" song...Obviously you can tell which role I play Damn Yankees by my username...he he he...

Anyways, thanks for the advice...but I know I ought to go to practice, now that I look at it (and since I am back in school and with this lady 2 hours a day) I know that I need to stay with rehearsal, no matter how much I want to go to see my friend, I made the deal with the musical way before I knew about the show in Milwaukee. So to be fair, I suppose rehearsal is where my duties lie...

He he...now back to my school work...arrghh

[Just Mom]

Shoeless Joe from Hannibal Mo? Of course I know it. It's not my favorite of the older musicals, but it's a fun show. And I am sure you're wonderful as the real, "Meg Boyd." (I still love the Rodgers and Hammerstein shows although they're quickly being replaced in high school settings with some of the newer things.)

Your maturity and dedication are to be commended. Always know, that you can ask for what you want if it's really important to you. Adults and teachers respect that from the younger folks. And you are wise to know the difference between something that means alot to you, and something that is disappointing but isn't the end of the world.

And when in doubt, ask yourself, "What would Hermione Granger do?" I'm sure the right answer will come!

[Lizzy Bennet]

At the risk of having things thrown at me, the choice seems pretty straight-forward to me...go to the rehearsal. *waits for objects to start flying*

I have to say I don't agree with it being a choice of friends vs. self-interest. In my view, it's obligation vs. 'what I want to do'. I'd really love to go to my childhood's friend's wedding on 20 September 2003, but the fact is, all new employees are on probation (no sick days or vacation for 6 months) in addition to the Earthfest is that day. I'm already having my schedule rearranged for a wedding I was asked to be in before I was hired. My point is this, much as it sucks sometimes, part of growing up and eventually being an adult is realizing that when you've committed to something, you have to see it through...I don't think that's being selfish at all...it's part of being responsible...and being an adult.

I know that makes me sound terribly old, but it's true. I know I'd want to support my friends and have fun, but what does it say to blow off this rehearsal for that? Or to blow off a rehearsal period? I know it's not all about what other people think, but would you want your fellow actors to feel you aren't serious? If everyone else is there, and you're not, it seems like you can just do whatever you want and too bad for the cast...that your desires supercede anyone else's and anything else's...that's not a good message to send or have received. Like what I was saying to Hermione Weasley in another thread...it's not really about your choices (to go or not to go), to me it's more about respecting yourself and the kind of person you want to be known as. For me, I like to be known as a person of my word. I like to follow through with my committments. Am I perfect? No. Have I missed the mark before? Yes, I have. Just because I'm older (but not old, and still a LOT to learn myself!) doesn't mean I don't get tempted to do things...what I've learned over time is that just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD. To me, not going to this rehearsal is more than that...would you want your castmates to feel you weren't dedicated? Because you sound REALLY dedicated and passionate about it all, but it's what you DO and not what you SAY that really speaks volumes to people. Sure, your friends will be disappointed, and this is NOT a fun decision to make and certainly very hard (I'd definitely want to go support my friends), but the fact is, you joined up with the play long before...you've worked hard and you've committed your time, and just as they are doing something they committed to, as must you. I want to support my friends whenever I can, and vice-versa, but I simply can't go to nor be at everything they want me to be at...but that doesn't make me a bad friend and it doesn't mean I don't care. It's just the way of the world...it doesn't mean I'm not disappointed, but at the same time, just as I respect they can't be at everything that happens to me (and knowing that doesn't mean they don't care), I, in turn, hope for that same respect from them.

In the end, you'll choose what's best for you. For those of you who 'chose friends', I can see how you would...it's certainly tempting! However, like with the guy Hermione Weasley is having problems with, I have to say, if someone really cares about you...they shouldn't hold it against you for keeping your word and following through on your promises. After all, if you can't do that for the play, who's to say you wouldn't do that to them? I'm not saying YOU personally would, Meg, but it's like the friend who always ditches other people and other things to spend time with you...it's naive to believe they won't eventually do that to you, and the fact is, people who do that sort of thing can get the reputation for being 'selfish', 'thoughtless', and 'I'm going to do whatever I want and too bad for anyone who was counting on me'. That doesn't sound like you at all...and I'd hate to know you got that reputation. Again, SORRY for the long post...I guess I had to make up for being a lazy healer somehow! Listen to your gut instinct...not what some friend is guilt-tripping you to feel, not the fear you may feel of your director, but what that inner voice is saying is best for you and who YOU are. It's NEVER fun to disappoint a friend...but then again, sometimes you have to consider your commitment to things, even if it isn't the most fun option. Gosh, please people, don't throw things at me...I'm not trying to be a parent...just being honest!! You've worked hard on this play, Meg, you don't deserve to lose your role!


~ Lizzy

[Just Mom]

Excellent post Lizzy! And you don't sound a bit old.

In my gut, I too, feel Meg should honor her first commitment to her rehearsal. "Showing up," is part of growing up. I think Meg agrees. (from her previous posts.) The peer pressure from her friends I would expect. I was bothered a little though about her fear of her director-which you touched on- and is probably a bit unfounded. Teachers are (usually and hopefully) people who respond well when a student of any age, approaches them with confidence and maturity and a responsible plan. Next year, when she starts college, she'll have at least one or two professors try to run her over, and when she graduates, she'll encounter that from both her peers and superiors. I hate to see her -or anyone -going through life with sweaty palms afraid of asking for what they want or need. This is a lesson I've learned the hard way, and wish my parents(or someone older) had coached me in when I was much younger. I hated to see Meg making her decision-whatever that might be- because she was afraid to ask.

And the flip side of asking for what you want, is evaluating very carefully before asking, whether it's something you REALLY want, or can do without and of course, how it will affect others. Some days, and opportunities, we can never get back if we miss them. And then others, come 'round again. quite often. Knowing the difference is the key.