D-I-V-O-R-C-E

[Just Mom]

Hi everybody.
Rev Mom is about to go through a divorce after 10 years of marriage and three kids, 7,5 and almost 2. *lots and lots and lots of tears here*

I was wondering, if any of you, especially children of divorced parents, could give me some feedback on what helps and what hurts, in relation to being a child in a divorce situation. I want to do everything possible, to make this easier on my children.

I am also in need of a good. strong Patronus of my own to chase away these things that have sucked out all my happiness...

Thanks so much!

[Violet]

My mum got married to my step dad when i was 10, and while it's not the same as my real dad; it was difficult when they got divorced. i was 12 at the time, and what was hard for me wasnt leaving my step dad but the way that my mum dealt with it. because i am the oldest, she felt that i was good to talk to. And as much as i wanted to be there for her, she put a lot of pressure on me to be her support system.
I did want to be there for her, but i had to deal with how the situation affected me too.
For me i think that the best thing that she could have done was although ensure that i understood that it was hard for her too, she should also remember that as a child i couldnt comprehend the situation as she did.
My only advice is to be there for you children, ensure that they know that it isnt anything to do with them, and both you and their dad still love them, and will be there for them etc.
And while i know that your main priority is to make sure that your children are ok, make sure that you talk to someone, and deal with your own hurts, and problems. If you bottle everything up it only becomes harder for the children in the long run. Because while my mum did talk about it, she became very bitter and for the last 6 years she is still blaming my step-dad for the problems that we have. this for me just brings up issues that i feel that have been in my past, and i have dealt with.

I'm really sorry to hear what you have to go through, and i hope that what i've said may help in some way.

Take care, Violet

[Won Wheezy]

I´m really sorry you have to go through this. My parents got divorced when I was four. My sister and brother were 9 and 11 at that time and took it much worse. I didn´t really know what was going on. I can´t even remember my dad living with us.
The good thing was, that they didn´t separate in hatred. They´re obviously not best friends, but they talk to each other and never talked in a bad way about the other to us children. We sometimes even celebrate birthdays and stuff like that all together - also with their new partners. A divorce is never a good thing for children, but you can make it a lot easier for them if you do it as my parents did.
Good luck

[Hermione Weasley]

Hey I am sorry to hear about your divorce.My parents are still together but i have lots of friends who have been through divorces with their parents.The one thing they had the hardest thing with is dealing with it because their parents always and still do balem and bad mouth their ex's.I am sorry i can't help out more but if you would like someone to talk to you can email me or im me if im on.
-Hermione Weasley

[Barry Trotter]

Kids are pretty resiliant. i never knew my mum or my dad so i can't comment on them splitting and it effecting me.

A friend of min e recently got divorced and he has three children , i think they are 8, 4 and 2

The parents have remained friends. There has never been any false hopes for the children of their parents getting back together but the occasional shared family meal and famimly christmas meal especially is always a good thing. If the seperation isnt too amacable, then go to someone elses house for christmas dinner all of you. its oten easier out of the home.

Seeing that the parents are friends is a really important thing i think. Not making them feel that they have to choose between you.

Explain it all truthfully to them. You don;'t have to go into details just tell them the truth.

Be there for them and be ready for some really tricky questions i think my friends child asked him something like "What did mummy do, why don't you love her any more?". its a hard thing for kids to comprehend.

Its hard for kids, but its hard for the adults too. it must be hellish and my heart really goes out to you.

If you ever need an ear to bend you can count on me. I'm on msn and you can email me to the same address
gypos_rock@hotmail.com

you'll be in my thoughts
*hug*

[Just Mom]

I can't tell you all how meaningful it is to read these posts. These are awful awful days, and hearing your thoughts helps tremendously.

It also helps me keep my mind on the most important things, the children. Please feel free to continue sharing anything you think I might need to know and thank you all so much. I meet with the attorney tomorrow.

[Won Wheezy]

Barry is absolutely right there. It´s hard for everybody in the family. But I´m sure you´ll manage this. I wish you and your kids all the best in these hard times and good luck.