Ex-boyfriend

[Phinea Rogue]

Imagine that you broke up with your boyfriend after a long relationship (nearly two years) and he's still around. We have mutual friends, so we can't ignore each other, we meet quite often when we go out all together. And after the break up, we told each other we would remain friends. For me that mean we would go out with others like before, talk a bit, be nice, but that's all. He would like to be meeting me more often and on our own, but I don't want that. And now he's hurt and disappointed and that makes me feel bad. Am I really that bad? But I have nothing to tell him. Why can't he just let me go and move on? I don't think he really loved me, he more or less wanted to settle down, because he's old enough for that, and own me.

[Won Wheezy]

Awww, I know how you feel. I always feel sooo bad when I brake up with somebody too. But he`ll get over it and you don`t need to feel guilty, cause you are doing what your heart tells you - and your heart doesn`t lie to you.
No great help, I know.

[Female_alien]

I don't know how you feel but if this

I don't think he really loved me, he more or less wanted to settle down, because he's old enough for that, and own me.

is true, I would say you're not bad at all. Be his friend, enjoy with your friends, but don't let him make you fell bad!

[Violet]

that sounds exactly what happened to me last year. i had been with my ex for 2 years, even our parents were friends and we lived across the street from each other.
when we broke up we did the whole lets just be friends but i found that it really didnt work. in the end we just ended up not really talking at all. not that thats the way that you and your ex will definately go, but mayb u need some time not seeing each other for a bit?

[Broccoli]

he more or less wanted to settle down, because he's old enough for that, and own me

And now he's hurt and disappointed and that makes me feel bad.

From what you say I got the impression that he is a guy that wants to do things his way rather than try to understand what YOU need. He doesn't want to (or he can't) lose and I think he still has hopes that you'll get together again.

Being "just friends" may be a of his real intentions. Moreover, as they say, "friendship often ends in love, love in friendship never".

So I would also propose that you don't see each other "on your own" for a while and maybe try to avoid seeing him that often at all.

And don't feel bad, you have a right to be free and determine your own future.

[Phinea Rogue]

Being "just friends" may be a of his real intentions. Moreover, as they say, "friendship often ends in love, love in friendship never".

So I would also propose that you don't see each other "on your own" for a while and maybe try to avoid seeing him that often at all.

Yes, I need such a break, but now even my sister's telling me that I'm hearless and should at least try to understand his feelings. Maybe we should talk about it, but I don't really want to see him on our own.

Thanks for all your replies.

[Broccoli]

Being "just friends" may be a of his real intentions

Sorry, I meant a disguise of his real intentions

[Aberforth]

Breaking up is always difficult, but remaining friends after can be even more so. If the break was mutual (it doesn't sound like that) it would be easier, but if he still has feelings for you and doesn't necessarily understand why you broke up he will find it difficult to let go. This is made more difficult by seeing each other often with other friends.

However, you're not being heartless by not wanting to alone with him. The relationship is over and to allow him private time with you will give him false hope and may end up hurting more as his hopes will have been dashed twice.

Tell him that you are not comfortable being alone with him at the moment and that you both need space to get over the break up. Spending more time together will be detrimental to your emotional welfare and prevent you both from moving on. Be honest with him and try not to give into his demands. Be firm but fair, and if he persists in pressuring you, then you may have to cut you losses.

Hope this helps and it gets sorted out soon.