her own mind

[Athena Appleton]

My sister-in-law is spending the weekend with us, and I'm a little worried about her. She's seventeen, EXTREMELY smart, funny and cute, but she doesn't seem to know or respect herself.

When she was dating this one guy who was REALLY bad for her, she was all fired up about being a nurse (all the women in his family are nurses) and she was crazy about Scooby-Doo stuff (he collected Scooby-Doo). After they broke up, she immediately started dating this other guy, who we all like, he's nice and all, but suddenly we're noticing her doing the same things she did before, but with some higher consequences. After a few months of dating (aka. spending ALL their free time together) she announced she was going to go to NYC and pursue a career in acting (he lives in NYC and is all into theater, and she is too, but not as much)... He decided to go to school closer to home, and she changed her mind and applied for the school he wanted to go to, in a town where she knows no one. He teaches ballroom dancing, and all of a sudden, she's ALL into ballroom dancing.

The thing that bothers me is that her mom (my mother-in-law) believes that she should support her kids in every single thing they do, be it deciding to go from nursing (first boyfriend's pick) to acting (second boyfriend's pick), letting my brother-in-law drop out of high school, or letting my 12-year-old sister in law run around at all hours of the night, because that's "just the way they are".

Would my husband and I, as caring relatives, be out of line in asking her if what she's doing is what she wants to be doing, and suggesting politely that she take a step back away from the boyfriend long enough to get to know herself and come up with her own dreams?

[Alice I]

Well, your husband IS her brother right. My brothers would have no problem saying something like that to me. You would not be out of line as long as you approach it carefully. I do not know how close you are to this woman so you may want to consider having your husband make the initial suggestion with you backing him up and offering supportive advise to her.

It does sound like she might need some one to say something to her. What happens if she breaks up with this gent and hooks up with bad news. It could happen; and if she can't make her own choices in life; it could ultimatly lead her into rather disaterous circumstanses.

[FairyTale]

I agree. If over time she doesn't know what she wants then her brother should speak to her. If she's lost in what she wants to do maybe all she needs is a little guidence.

[Athena Appleton]

Well, he did mention something to her sometime... and we feel a little better now... I was worried that she was thinking that her boyfriend's dreams were her dreams, but after talking to her, she said that she just doesn't know what she wants to do (which is okay... she is just seventeen) so, since he knows what he wants to do, she'll figure it out somewhere along the line...